Ask Arthur – the dog therapist

Once again we ask Arthur, our lifestyle coach and dog therapist to give our Wagging World correspondents some sage advice.

Dear Arthur,
I know there are at least three pieces of chicken in the kitchen bin. All I can smell is chicken – why can’t they smell it? It’s overpowering. There’s definitely chicken in there.
Yep, just checked again – without a doubt, it’s there alright.
I saw the humans empty it in there last night after they’d finished stuffing themselves. And not a thought for me! I was just lying there behaving myself, well not exactly lying, I’ll admit I did show a bit of interest in the dinner leftovers but isn’t that what we’re supposed to do.?
I know there’s chicken in there and it’s going to waste. It’s like I can hear it calling to me. It’s so frustrating. There’s a closed door between me and the waste bin but that only has a swing top on it. If I could just get that door open it would be the work of a minute to get in through that top or I could just tip the whole thing over and deal with the consequences once I’d found the chicken.
OMG I Can’t STAND it. My nose keeps twitching and I can’t stop the saliva from drooling out of my mouth. I just know there’s chicken in there!

What am I to do?

Biggles

Ipswich, UK

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Dear Biggles,

Pull yourself together! This is shameful behavior and gives us all a bad name. If you can’t control your urges then I suggest you contact one of my therapy experts who can guide you (at a competitive price) through a relaxation and meditation course that can disperse some of your baser instincts.

Honestly! tipping over bins and creating a scene doesn’t help the cause. Stealth, my friend is the answer, stealth, patience and cunning. There are myriad ways of obtaining bits of chicken from the sad-eyed ‘I love you’ approach right through to the sneaky grab when backs are turned. One day as prophesized, all the chicken will be ours but until that time, please show some decorum

Arthur

 

Dear Arthur,

Once a week my human walks around the house with a frightening monster that makes a noise and sucks all the good smells into its belly. It hates me and I hate it. I bark as soon as it makes an appearance and I chase it, which for some reason makes my human annoyed. I don’t know what she sees in the thing. It stays locked away most of the time which is a relief but when she brings it out for a walk around the house, it’s terrifying.

Fred, Boston
Is-My-Dog-Weird-Large

 

Dear Fred,

It’s something that is almost impossible to train out of them. Humans seem to be fixated with these awful things and I don’t know of anyone yet who’s managed to stop this sort of behaviour. Research shows that it depends on the sort of house you and your humans live in, for the most part the bad monster experience only happens once a week and my advice to you is to try to put up with it as best you can. There are reports where this sort of thing happens daily! Can you imagine? We all dream of houses with no monsters and plenty of nice smells but I think they are few and far between.

Arthur

ask-arthur

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