Once again, our lifestyle guru and ‘agony uncle’ columnist, Arthur Wolff imparts more words of wisdom for our correspondents.
Arthur’s renowned Lifestyle Sanctuary and Well-Dog Healing Center in Malibu, California will soon be available at competitive rates to all Wagging World readers. Don’t be put off by recent libelous claims in the press, Arthur assures us that his lawyers are seeking compensation and that the Center will be back up and running shortly.
My human has been influenced by some of the unhealthy propaganda that’s been going around recently and she’s got it into her head that I’m overweight. I heard her talking to a friend the other day when she thought I wasn’t listening, she said that she’d read in one of her magazines that she should be able to feel my ribs! You can imagine my shock. The last time anyone could feel my ribs I was still a pup and in those days I had the energy to deal with the starvation I was subjected to. I thought we had an understanding – she keeps me well fed and I don’t chew on her shoes and furniture. It’s been going along nicely now for a few years and I’m certainly too old now for a change. And talking of ribs, I don’t think anyone’s in danger of seeing any of hers in the near future. Why can’t we just carry on as we were and forget all this nonsense.
Bella, Nova Scotia
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of humans changing the arrangement half-way through a relationship and to be honest, it worries me. There’s far too much propaganda flying around of late that affects us dogs and it should stop. We’ve all seen how the humans flit from one diet to another, hoping unsuccessfully to lose a few pounds when all they should really do is go out walking with us more than they do. It pains me to say that the only option if you see your bowl emptier than it should be is to head straight for the shoe cupboard or sofa leg and make your displeasure felt. Hopefully she will come to her senses and you can go back to how things were.
Every time I go anywhere there are humans they seem to rush towards me and pat my head or try to strangle me in their arms. I’m getting fed up with it, it’s as if a dog can’t just walk down the street without being interfered with. What am I to do?
Barney, Worthing UK
It’s a problem being cute, I flatter myself that in my early years I was subject to this sort of attention too. If you really want it to stop and you’re not just bragging about your good looks, I suggest rolling in a dead rat or two next time you’re out for a stroll, that should put paid to it.
If you’d like to benefit from Arthur’s wisdom contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org